BWAH-HAH-HAH

In which The Onion shoots and scores, yet again:

Man Dies After Secret 4-Year Battle With Gorilla
October 26, 2009 | Issue 45•44

ROANOKE, VA—Local claims adjuster David Seaborne, a devoted husband and father of three, died Tuesday at the age of 37 following a long and painful personal battle with a 512-pound eastern lowland gorilla.

Yes, it's somewhat tasteless, but still... Anyway, real posting soon!